How do you do this?
by DragonReader
Summary: Jack and Sam set in season 10. Short summary, but don't want to give it away.
1. Chapter 1

**Setting:** **Pentagon - Office of Homeworld Security**

**Tuesday 1130 hours – just before lunch time**

Jack opened the door to his office as he reached beside it to pull his dress blues jacket off of the coat rack, "Sergeant, Lt. Colonel Davis should be back in about 45 minutes from lunch so until then you're it. I'm supposed to meet some of the Joint Chief's and the IOC over a 'casual' lunch," he said with a grimace making quote marks in the air, "They are probably going to pick something like Greek or French. I hope I don't get food poisoning or indigestion with all their grumbling." Seeing the blank look on his secretary's face, he went on, "So, anyway, no wild parties while I'm gone. I'll have my cell on silent so if I'm needed you'll have to page me." Then he headed out of the office and down the hall to the rows of elevators.

Hearing a phone ring as he let the door close behind him, Jack let his intense dislike for all things bureaucratic make his feet drag on the way to the elevator. Jack thought, '_Oh, please, anything to get me out of this meeting. No, Jack, not anything. At least nothing bad, or really bad. Nothing with my team. Get over yourself, Jack, they're not yours anymore,'_ he argued with himself as he slowly walked down the hallway. '_They're Mitchell's now. Hell, Carter isn't even mine, not really. Yeah, I know, we've gone out a few times, but work keeps getting in the way. I thought things might be different once I wasn't her CO anymore, but it is just so hard to take that conditioning out of us, that the Regs are so important. That time up at the cabin, when I finally got her to go fishing with me, we were able to finally relax and get close, but it was just too soon after Dad had died, all we could do was comfort each other. Then she went to Area 51 and I came here to DC. Every time I visit the SGC, we have to break through the conditioning again to even relax and spend time together. That it's o.k. to be together. Just a simple dinner date…Ha ha ha, I have to remember to tease Danny-boy again about that "Dinner with a friend thing" with Vala.' _He chuckled to himself as he pressed the down button to call the elevator.

'_I am so glad that Carter called told me about that, especially the part where Mitchell had lost his pants, again. That's the part I miss, the being out there and the Wacko stuff happening. I was never meant for a desk job or dealing with politicians.'_ The elevator arrived and with a resigned sigh, Jack stepped inside and reached for the lobby button.

Turning to face the closing doors, Jack heard pounding feet coming down the hall, followed by Sergeant Worthington shouting, "General! General O'Neill, please wait!" Perking up, Jack put his hand between the doors to stop them, and then leaning out between them, he queried, "Hmmm? Did you need something?"

"Yes, Sir," Sergeant Worthington panted, "General Landry is on the phone from the SGC, Sir. He says he needs to talk to you concerning a communication he has received from the Asgard. I told him you had just left for a meeting with the Joint Chiefs and the IOC and he told me that I should know better. That you would always prefer talking to him over getting raked over the coals by a bunch of bureaucratic sticks in the mud."

"Yep, that sounds like Hank, alright. Let me go talk to him," said Jack. "Could you forward a message to the JCS and IOC people that I am going to be a bit late?" he asked as he made his way back into his office.

"So, Hank, how's things? You miss me already, dontcha?"

"Hah ha, yeah we always miss you around here, Jack. It's always better when the inmates are running the asylum," Hank Landry replied.

"Hey, now, who you calling crazy?" asked Jack with mock anger. "So what is up with the Little Grey Guys this time?"

"Nothing bad, they assure me. It seems that an alien race you once encountered wants to form an alliance with us but will only talk with 'The O'Neill'. The Reole asked Thor to contact the Tauri in order to establish formal relations with us."

"Whoa, Hank, the name sounds familiar but I can't place – "

"When you met him you knew him as Lt. Tyler, the fifth man on SG1," interrupted General Landry.

"Oh, them! Never knew what had happened to him after that. It's been what, like five years, hasn't it?" Jack exclaimed as he remembered. "And you say they will only talk with me? Shouldn't Daniel handle any negotiations?"

"We would send him, but Thor emphasized that the Reole would only be comfortable with you. Besides the fact that Vala has somehow conned Dr. Jackson into taking her to Disneyworld for a week."

"Oh, Really!?! When did that happen and why didn't someone tell me? I need details," Jack demanded.

"Well, Jack, as far as how it happened, I don't really know. Friday I put SG1 on a week's downtime because Teal'c had been asked by Bra'tac to assist in the reorganization of the Free Jaffa since the Ori attacks. Colonel Mitchell was asked to spend some time training the 302 squadrons. As you know, with the losses we have had lately against the Ori and the Lucian Alliance, the squadrons have been pretty thinned and are being filled with newbies," replied Hank.

"It has been Hell writing all those letters to the next of kin." Then, trying not to sound too obvious, without really succeeding, Jack asked, "So, what's Carter up to?"

With a knowing chuckle, Hank replied, "I took your advice and made it a standing order that if SG1 is off and there are no emergencies then Colonel Carter is to be sent home and restricted from the base for a minimum of 48 hours. When I found out from Walter that she was in her lab Monday afternoon, I ordered her to be sent home."

"Sweet! Bet she pouted and said she had experiments running."

"You know her well. I told her if she wasn't gone by 1700, experiments done or not, I would have the SF's physically remove her," Hank said with an evil chuckle.

"So she is home and mad now. Well, you know she'll get over it and be back bright-eyed and bushy-tailed first thing Thursday morning. Carter loves her job and would never let anything interfere with it," Jack stated emphatically. "So, the Reole? When is this negotiation with them supposed to take place? And where for that matter?"

"Jack, I don't know what their emergency is but they want you there ASAP. Thor forwarded the coordinates of the planet the Reole want to meet you on, but there is no Gate address. We will have to have The Odyssey take you there," Hank explained. "The Odyssey will be in orbit in 1 hour."

"Moving a little fast aren't we? I liked Tyler and all but do we really need in involve ourselves in yet another people's problems. Do we know what we would get out of an alliance with them?" questioned Jack.

"Jack, they asked for you. You were around the guy the most. What do you think they could have to offer?"

"The only thing that I can think of is that substance they secrete would make a great camouflage for undercover missions."

"Well then Jack, are you up for the challenge or would you rather go to lunch?" Hank asked bluntly.

After glancing at his rather full schedule, which Sergeant Worthington keeps precisely up to date, Jack thought, '_Well it would be one more mission. And if it goes well maybe I can convince them to let retire this year. And if it doesn't maybe I'll just resign anyway.'_ With that sour note, Jack said, "Let me get my secretary to clear my schedule up and then I'll have to go home and pack a bag. Its 1200 now, so let's have the Odyssey beam me up in 2 hours. I'll talk to you later, Hank." Jack slowly hung up the phone, then sat and contemplated it for a minute. He shook his head as if shaking cobwebs loose, and then straightened in his chair decisively. "Sergeant, please get Colonel Davis on the phone for me so I can brief him."

Sergeant Worthington entered his office, "Sir, I have taken the liberty to clear your schedule for the next 2 weeks and Colonel Davis is waiting on line 2 for you."

Jack somehow managed to keep his jaw from dropping, however he did cock his head to one side as he asked, "Are you sure you aren't related to Sergeant Harriman?"

"Yes, Sir. I am quite sure I am not, Sir," replied the Sergeant oddly.

**Setting:** **Colorado Springs – The home of Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter.**

**Tuesday 1330 hours – midafternoon**

'_I can't believe that they kicked me off the base,'_ thought Sam as she finished her lunch of a ham and cheese sandwich with potato soup. '_General Hammond never would have done that. But then he wouldn't have had the chance, the Colonel, or General now, would have gotten me to leave on my own. It's not like I have so much to do at home. I've already done two loads of laundry today, not that I get a chance to wear civvies that often or even my dress blues, which of course I get dry-cleaned, and of course, since there is always a risk of contamination all BDU's get cleaned on base.'_

'_I would go for a run down at the park, but I think that it is supposed to rain later,'_ continued Sam's internal monologue, '_and ever since that kidnapping incident with Conrad's people I haven't been quite comfortable going to the Gym, even though everyone thinks that I am 'SuperSam – The Warrior Genius' I am still a single woman and do get nervous being alone.'_

'_And its Tuesday, fercryingoutloud, no one I know is off or home on a Tuesday afternoon. The rest of SG1 aren't even around, even though they're off too,'_ she though as she washed her dishes.

'_Maybe I should e-mail Cassie and see how she is doing this semester. Then maybe I'll take a hot bubble bath. I'm really glad that I tweaked my hot water tank so that I hardly ever run out of hot water. I just wish I had a big Jacuzzi tub like the Colonel, or General now, has up at his cabin. I really should figure out what I am going to call him in my mind,'_ Sam continued musing as she wrote her e-mail.

After she had sent the e-mail, Sam checked all the sites on her list of favorites, but either nothing had been updated or she found nothing interesting enough to catch her eye. _'It seems like everything in my life is on hold, just waiting for something to break,'_ Sam thought as she uncharacteristically shut down her computer. _'Especially my relationship with the General…no, I can't call him that in my head, not while I'm thinking of our so-called relationship. It's just we waited so long to be able to express our feelings for each other that we got too good at holding them back. It actually became a conditioned reflex. Now that it is allowed, no regs to stop us, we have to remind ourselves that it is o.k. to be together.'_

Sam busied herself pouring the lavender bubble bath into the tub, and then turned on the hot water tap. She then stood watching the bubbles build and the foam spread across the surface of the bath tub, completely mesmerized by the ever-changing patterns the bubbles were creating. She barely pulled out of her reverie before the water reached the rim. Shaking her head in self-deprecation at the mess her inattention had nearly caused, Sam quickly stripped her clothes off and stepped into the hot water.

Sam sighed as she let herself sink into luxuriously hot water, and then moaned as the hot water worked its magic on her sore and tired muscles. "Ohh, that feels good!" she exclaimed. '_I really need to keep my mouth shut around hostiles; I'm starting to get too old to be knocked around so much.'_

'_Even though he never had much tact or diplomacy, I would rather have had the Col…Jack there when we were dealing with those Lucian Alliance people than Cam. As much as I like and get along with him, Cam has always been such a hot head that he is almost a loose cannon on missions. Although to give him credit, I think he is starting to mature in his leadership abilities,'_ she thought as she sunk down to dip her hair into the water.

As she lifted her head and cleared the water from her ears, Sam heard both her house phone and her cell ringing, as well as her pager buzzing its way off of the sink counter. Sam hesitated for the briefest of seconds as she knew she would regret leaving the hot water but stood, reaching for the towel. She leaned over and with a practiced flip, wrapped the towel around her dripping hair. Then grabbing the oversized towel, she rescued the pager before it fell the to the ceramic tile floor.

Seeing the SGC alert code on the pager display she hurried to wrap the towel around her body as she quickly made her way to catch the other two phones. As both had the SGC Caller ID, she decided to answer the house phone so that they would know she was at home.

"Carter," Sam said into the phone as she dried herself with the towel.

"Colonel Carter, I am sorry to call you on your day off," began Walter, "but there is a problem that we need your help with. I know that this isn't a secure line, but suffice it to say that there is an Iris issue that needs dealt with."

"Where? Here or," thinking quickly as she read between the lines, she asked, "somewhere else?"

"Somewhere else, Ma'am," confirmed Walter.

"I can be there in about 45 minutes. Let me get dressed," Sam said absently, her mind already thinking about the problem and any possible solutions. "I was in the bathtub."

Clearing his throat with a nervous cough, Walter hesitantly said, "Uhm, sorry, Colonel, we will see you then."

Sam pulled on one of her favorite little tank tops that she could easily wear under her BDU's and a comfortable pair of jeans then stepped into the bathroom to let the water out of the bathtub. Sam pulled the towel off of her head to run her fingers through her short blonde hair. She then put a light touch of make-up on before stepping back into her bedroom to put on her shoes. She did a quick walk through the house, as she always did, to ensure everything was off and secure as she didn't know when she might be back. Grabbing her laptop case and leather jacket, Sam locked the door and jumped into her car. As Sam backed out of her driveway, she exclaimed to herself, "Dammit! I didn't get a chance to shave my legs."

**Setting:** **Alexandria – A Suburb of Washington D.C. **

**Major General Jack O'Neill's house**

**Tuesday 1330 hours – midafternoon**

"Argh!" Jack exclaimed as he bumped his knee on the end table while rushing around the house trying to pack a few things. "I'll never learn this house."

Grabbing his shaving kit from the bathroom, Jack thought, '_I can't believe that it took me so long to get here. Now I've got less than 30 minutes to get everything together and I don't even have a mission bag packed anymore!'_

Jack put a spare set of Dress Blues into a garment bag and stuffed two sets of BDU's, one blue and one green, into a duffle bag. He then opened his top bureau drawer and pulled out several sets of T-shirts, green, black and white. Placing them into the duffle, Jack glanced at his watch and thought, _'O.K. what else do I need to pack? Oh yeah, skivvies.' _He reached into the top drawer again and pulled out a weeks worth of boxers, stuffing those into his duffle, then added a pair of baggy Air Force sweats to sleep in, '_What else? Uhm, ah ha, can't forget my Yo-yo or my Gameboy!'_

Jack hurried to grab those from his coffee table because he had less then 10 minutes left before beam out and wanted to make sure that he got them. Ticking off items from a mental list as he made a circuit of his house, a picture on his bedside stand caught his eye. It was one that Walter had taken for him from Mitchell's 200 Gate travels party. It was a team photo, but taken before everyone had a chance to pose. Daniel was looking agitated by Vala while Teal'c looked on indulgently. Mitchell came across like he was ready to take on the universe himself. And Sam was looking at Jack like no one else was even there. But Jack was being distracted by work yet again, talking with Hank.

He was saved from his regrets by his cell phone ringing, "O'Neill."

"Hey, Jack, this is Hank. Are you ready to go?"

"Sure Hank, I'll just pick up my bags," replied Jack as he slipped the framed picture into his jacket pocket.

"I called to give you a heads up; you're going to have some company for at least a portion of your trip. The Alpha Site's Iris has locked in place, so I've recalled Colonel Carter to fix it. She has determined that she can only fix it in person," Hank explained.

Jack forced himself to keep a light tone as he responded, "Well, I've put up with her technobabble before; I could probably do it again."

Jack was then lit up with a bright white light. He then found himself on the Odyssey. He turned in place, looking around him for Carter, but jumped a half step backwards when he found himself right next to a full size mirror, "Ohfercryingoutloud, Why would anyone put a mirror right here?"

Then his reflection said, "Actually I was about to ask the same question."

Jack looked around for the technician in charge of transport operations to have them call the Bridge because either someone was playing a joke on the Ole General or there was an intruder who happened to look just like him. But he stopped when his look-alike had rushed behind the console and called out, "Major Grant! Erin are you O.K?" then he reached out and pressed the comm switch on the wall, "This is Colonel Carter, we have a medical emergency in the transport room!"

"Is this what losing your mind really feels like, because I could swear that I just heard you say that you are Colonel Carter, even though you look and sound like me. Wait a minute, I am nuts, right? Because I sound like Carter," Jack started rambling while pacing, "But I know, or at least I think I know, that I am Major General Jack O'Neill, with 2 'L's." Jack rounded on his doppelganger, "Is this some sort of trick? Are you wearing one of those mimic devices? Who are you really?" then Jack trailed off as he had caught his reflection in a computer screen. He looked down at himself and decided to shut up, not that he could say anything even semi-intelligent anyway, but this was just too freaky.

As the medical team came in, Sam stood up and faced her herself, "Yes, I have noticed that I sound like General O'Neill and a Mimetic Device could have been planted on me, however, I know for a fact that there was never one made of me so how do you look and sound like me?"

The double gave a particularly dumb look (which Sam decided didn't do her face justice) then asked, "Is there anyway you can explain this, possibly using a minimum of technobabble or maybe using fruit or magnets?"

Sam giggled, "Sir, is it really you?"

Colonel Marks took that moment to talk to them, "Major Grant has been taken to the ship's infirmary but she looks stable. She had been shocked when a power surge jumped to the crystal bank for the beam interface. There was a brief second in which the matter and energy beams crossed in the crystal bank but everything should be alright now. We just…"

"Everything is not _all_ right, not even a little!" Jack interrupted, "We've been swapped. We are totally living a Freaky Friday movie here. I am in her body and she is in mine. So, no, it is not _all_ right."

Colonel Marks looked uncomprehendingly between to two of them, whilst Sam's mind's little light bulb turned on (giving Jack's face a million watt smile), "That's it, Sir! General, the crystal bank just swapped the energy of our consciousnesses and our bodies. So all we need to do is recreate to incident and we'll back to normal."

"Well that is easier said than done, General…erm…uhm...Colonel. Sir, Ma'am. It looks like the entire crystal bank has melted down. Probably due to the power surge, but we won't know until it can be taken apart. But as you can very well imagine, there are some extensive repairs that need done. Luckily the Rings are powered separately, so getting Colonel Carter to the Alpha Site won't be an issue, but my best guess estimate, it will take at least 3 weeks to get everything in the beam and crystal bank power path repaired," stated Colonel Marks.

As Jack digested that information, Sam asked if there was anything she could help with to speed the process along. "Colonel Marks, you got the hot seat after Colonel Emerson was killed by the Lucian's, right? I remember you were the ranking bridge officer at the time. So, is there anything you need me to do?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Setting:** **Aboard the Odyssey: Hallway, Infirmary.**

**Tuesday 1800 hours ship's time**

Colonel Marks had given them both strict orders to go straight to the infirmary while he updated General Landry on the incident, with a comment that he would inform the new Doc of their situation. Jack had visibly flinched at this but followed Sam quietly. Sam was finding herself getting more and more uncomfortable. Everything seemed a bit off, the color seemed faded, the hallways seemed smaller and Sam unconsciously started ducking through every doorway.

"Carter! What are you doing?" Jack asked after watching her for several minutes.

"Sir?" Sam twirled around to face him only to stumble over her now larger feet, "Whoa!"

Jack reached up to grab her shoulders to steady her. "Easy there. What's wrong with you?"

"I – I don't know. Nothing – Everything. It's all so odd," she stammered, visibly shaken.

"Carter, you'll get used to it. I went through the same thing when Teal'c and I switched bodies. You remember that, don't you? I know I was kinda freaking out back there, but I've been thinking about it and now that I see your reaction it makes sense. Be glad you don't have to learn Kel-no-ream like I did, and you know that I am not gonna run up your credit card like Machello did to Daniel," Jack added with a smirk.

Sam chuckled at this. She was starting to feel better as they were standing still. "Well, you won't have to worry about me wanting to cut your hair off, because I like it," she said as she shyly ran her hand through the silver spiky mess.

Shocked by her own boldness, Sam executed a careful about-face and proceeded to the infirmary, leaving Jack standing with his mouth hanging open. It took a passing Airman's polite, "Ma'am," to spur him on. With a quick glare at the innocent Airman's back, Jack jogged to catch up with Sam at the entrance to the infirmary.

Remembering Marks' parting shot "to just wait until you meet our new exchange Doc," Jack and Sam steeled themselves with a brief shared glance, and then stepped into the infirmary together. They were greeted immediately by a short dark-haired woman who moved with a strange combination of fluttering gestures and graceful calm.

"Welcome, come in, come in, please do come in. Yes, yes, yes, your Colonel Marks told me you were coming to see me. Yes, yes, yes, very nice young man, your Colonel Marks. So, Dahlings, the Dear Colonel tell me that there has been some sort of accident. Yes, yes, yes, the same one that has given that dreadful electrical burn to our poor Dear Major Grant. Yes, yes, yes, the poor Dear will be just fine here with me, Dahlings, just fine." She gestured to a curtained area to her right, and then indicated a larger area to her left, "Please, do come over here and each sit on a gurney. Yes, yes, yes, right over here, Dahlings. Yes, yes, yes, your Dear Colonel said that I was to check you out. Yes, yes, yes."

Sam stifled a chuckle and avoided looking at Jack, because she knew that in short order the two of them would be giggling like school kids at the Doctor. Jack coughed pointedly and, keeping in mind that he was now a few inches shorter than he had been this morning, hopped onto the gurney. Sam took his lead and sat on the other one, while the strange little doctor tugged the privacy curtain around both beds.

"Yes, yes, yes, my Dahlings, let's get started, shall we? Oh, how rude of me, I have not introduced myself yet, have I?" she looked at them expectantly until Sam and Jack shook their heads no. "My name is Dr. Eileen Roshjid, but please, Dahlings, you simply must call me Dr. Eileen. You see, it gets ever so tiring to hear you Americans mispronouncing such a beautiful Indian name."

She then proceeded to give them a brief yet thorough examination, asking each of them pertinent questions along the way. "Yes, yes, yes, now that we have the essentials out of the way to appease your Dear Colonel, now let us take a moment to ensure that all of your matter was put back into the right places. Yes, yes, yes, my Dahling General, please do step over here and take a look at your body. A mirror is so two-dimensional, whereas now you have the real thing right in front of you. Have you ever really seen your face like this?"

Jack snickered, while Sam found herself blushing with all the attention directed at her, "Yeah, a time or two."

"Yes, yes, yes, well even if that is the case, you do have the most amazing bone structure, Dahling. You must come from some very good genes, Dear General," Doctor Eileen lightly traced Sam's cheekbones with a fingertip, causing Sam to duck her head at their scrutiny.

"Grandma O'Neill once told me, we can trace the family tree back to a royal offshoot of some sort or another," Jack informed them.

Sam glanced up at him sharply.

"What?!?" Jack asked her.

"You have royal roots?"

"Guess I never told you I was born with a silver foot in my mouth, huh, Carter?" Jack said with a grin.

"Uh, Sir, you're mixing your metaphors," Sam said.

"Well, why not? We're mixed up, why can't I mix a few metaphors?"

"Yes, yes, yes, Dahlings, you are switched, but not permanently. Can not our Dear Colonel here, fix the machines and reverse the switching process, yes? Well, then, let us not abuse the poor metaphors anymore, yes, Dahlings? And speaking of reversing, how about we stop embarrassing our Dear Colonel here, yes?" Doctor Eileen had them change places. Sam was finding it harder and harder to not outright laugh at this very eccentric doctor.

"Yes, yes, yes, Dahling Colonel, I'm sure that you'll tell me that you've been in this situation before, too, yes?" asked Dr. Eileen.

"Yes, I've been in a room with over a dozen different versions of me, if you really want to know," Sam replied.

Jack rolled his eyes, while the doctor was suitably awed, "Yes, yes, yes, but did they all have your fine figure? Just how long are those legs of yours?"

"Don't forget how incredibly brilliant she is. She is the total package, after all," Jack said with a wink at Sam.

Sam was a little shocked by this but kept the banter up, "Oh, yeah, well he's pretty smart too, whether he likes anyone to know it or not. He'd have to be or they wouldn't have given him that second star and made him the Head of Homeworld Security. And he's a great leader, too. I would follow you into battle any day, General, without question," Sam declared.

"Oh, yeah! Well I think she's -," Jack interrupted himself and asked incredulously, "you think I'm smart?"

"Yes and you can be quite funny, too."

"Sweet!" was Jack's smug reply.

"Yes, yes, yes, my Dahlings, I am sorry, I have quite enjoyed this, but I hear your dear Colonel Marks checking with my nurse on the poor Dear Major's condition. He will be here shortly and we simply must have some propriety about us, yes?"

Colonel Marks coughed politely just outside the privacy curtain, "Doctor Rosh- Doctor Eileen, if you've finished I need to speak with the General and Colonel for a moment, please"

"Yes, yes, yes, Dahling Colonel, only just now have we finished," answered Doctor Eileen as she whipped aside the curtain, "You send me the best looking people to examine, My Dear Dahling Colonel. They are both in fabulous health, if you overlook the fact that they are in each others' bodies, don't you agree, Dahling?" the doctor said as she slid beside Marks to peer intently at Jack and Sam. She had tried to put her hand through his arm, but he was standing stiffly at attention and would not accommodate her, so she just leaned into him.

"Erm…Yes, Doctor…erm, could you give us a minute, please?" asked the put upon Colonel.

Noting that Sam seemed to be enjoying the display that the pair were putting on as much as he was, Jack interjected, "Now, now, now, Dear Colonel, there is no need to rude to the lovely Doctor here. She never even threatened us with needles." Sam grinned at his antics. "Obviously you weren't ordered to confine us as you brought no security with you. So we either abort our missions or we soldier on, am I right?"

"Yes, Sir. General Landry said that it was up to you, General, if things were to go on. He asked me to remind you that the Asgard are waiting and that the Alpha Site is still having its Iris problem."

Jack thought a moment, '_Well, this is one way for us to get closer. Things can't get any wonkier, can they?'_ Jack took Sam aside, "What do you think? I know you were feeling pretty uneasy earlier. How are you doing now? Want to complete our missions, together, Sam?" When he said her name, Sam looked into Jack's eyes and saw that was indeed leaving the decision to her. It was an important turn of events, making a decision together.

"Yes, Jack, I think we can make this work, together."

* * *

A/N: I modeled this Doc after E from "The Incredibles" tell me what you think, please. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Setting:** **Aboard the Odyssey: Hallway, Commissary**

**Tuesday 1900 hours ship's time**

Jack suggested that they see if anything was still available in the commissary at this hour after Sam's stomach had very audibly made its hunger known. When Sam had grabbed her middle and looked embarrassedly at Jack, he shrugged and said, "Well, I don't know about you, but my body definitely missed lunch today. Come on- let's find the commissary on this tub."

Sam fell into step with Jack then paused to let a couple of crewmen with their arms full pass by. She then walked behind him for a moment. "Oh, please! You've got to be kidding me!" she exclaimed suddenly.

Jack stopped and said, "What?"

"Tell me I really don't look like that from behind when I walk."

"What do you mean, Sam?" Jack asked liking the way her name was rolling off his lips. "Why do you think I took our six so often on missions? For that view you have right there," he said as he slowly started to walk forward again. He then deliberately placed a hand on each hip and leisurely slid them around his buttocks.

Sam watched him wide-eyed with wonder even as her body was heating with arousal. She started to wish she could feel what he was doing then it hit her, '_Jack was actually touching her body. Jack is touching my ASS!'_ Suddenly Sam felt an intense pressure that bordered on pain coming from her groin. '_Oh, My God! I have an erection!'_ she thought with a groan as she unconsciously pressed the heel of her hand into her growing erection. With a passing thought of '_I wonder just how big this thing is going to get'_ Sam groaned even harder as she realized, '_I am touching Jack's – ACH! Don't even go there, Girl. You've got to stop, now!'_

Jack, who had also got caught up in his actions and had himself realized that he was feeling up Sam, finally heard her groans behind him and turned around to see her pressing her hand into her groin. '_Well, knowing how my body has always reacted to hers, I'm surprised this didn't happen earlier,'_ he thought as he watched her begin to rub her hand along the seam of his obviously tented dress blues trousers. Jack was being drawn into an erotic trance at the sight of Sam as she seemed unable to stop herself from rubbing herself through the material of the pants.

It took an announcement by Colonel Marks stating, "All hands, prepare for Hyperspace in 5 minutes," to make him realize that they were both in a very public place and Sam was going to explode if she kept that up. "Sam! Sam, c'mere!" Jack called her as he bodily shoved her into the nearest room, which luckily for them happened to be an unoccupied supply closet.

"Sam, as much as I would like to help you out with your situation, we _really_ are not ready for that," Jack pressed Sam back into a storage locker firmly. "You are going to have to think of something else to make it go away. Think of puppies." Sam's eyes popped open to look at him. "Yes, Carter, I said puppies. Now imagine that you hit one with your car." Seeing her dismay at the thought, Jack told her, "Yes, I know it is horrible to think of such things, but it works. You see, that body is used to reacting this way to this body. It's not a conscious thought. All you ever had to do was pass by my office door on the way to the Control Room and that was the result. Hell, I could go to the gym hours after you had been there and still have that reaction. It's the Fairy-moans."

Sam paused a minute trying to decipher his misnomer, before giving up and asking him. "Sir, I mean Jack, usually I can get what you mean when you mess up the word but my brain just isn't up to it right now. What are the Fairy-moans?"

"You know – the Fairy-moans…the smells or scents that drive people nuts," Jack replied, noting that he was making progress; Sam was starting to think again.

"Oh! Pheromones! You must mean pheromones," Sam said with a smile lighting up her face.

Jack took a step back to be able to gauge Sam's condition. "You see, Sam, what I have been trying to say, in my ever so eloquent way -- eloquent being on my word of the day calendar today -- what I am saying is you're going to have to learn to deal with my/your body's reaction to this one in order to be able to function and to just been seen in public. I usually will try to will it away and when that doesn't work," Jack paused and raised his eyebrows, while Sam stifled her giggles, "When that doesn't work, I have to do, or more correctly, think of something else to distract me. Hence the puppies. Only for me it would have been something drastic like imagining Daniel or Teal'c naked, Hammond for really bad cases. But I think that those images would only make your problem worse. Once the problem starts to grow less troublesome, I would recite hockey scores. And yes, that was why I always seemed to not be paying attention during briefings. You could probably recite equations or something like that."

Sam took a couple of long deep breaths to steady herself as she replayed Jack's explanation in her mind. '_O.K. First, get a mental picture of something very horrible to shock and distract myself so that my very __**big**__ problem will subside. So let me think of those poor dead puppies,'_ Sam grimaced as that image appeared in her mind, and then giggled as Teal'c put in an appearance in her mind, '_Oops, that didn't help!'_ "Sorry, I accidentally thought of Teal'c instead of the puppies." Jack shook his head as he grimaced at that mental image.

"_O.k. Dead puppies! Yup, there they are. Backed right over them with my car. Poor things. So sad. Why were they there? Whose puppies are they? I should check the neighbors. Hey, I think is starting to work. That is sad too. O.k. wormhole physics 101.'_

"Well, I can tell that you are into your equations now, so how about we continue on to the commissary now?" Jack asked as Sam's stomach rumbled once again.

The commissary was nearly empty at this hour, with only some sandwiches and fruit left out on the serving line. Jack and Sam each grabbed a sandwich and a piece of fruit, then while Sam took their trays to a table along the view windows, Jack grabbed a carafe of coffee and a couple of mugs and met her at the table.

After eating half of their sandwiches in silence, Sam asked, "Since we are going to have to complete our missions together, can you tell me what yours is? All General Landry told me was that the Asguard asked to meet them on a planet that has no gate address."

Jack took a gulp of coffee to keep from choking on his turkey sandwich. "Wow, after all that has happened today, I had almost forgotten what we are here for. Hank called me this morning to tell me that the Asguard were passing a message from the Reole that they want to form an alliance with us. You remember Lt. Tyler, doncha?" Seeing her look of comprehension, Jack continued. "It seems that the Reole only want to talk with me. I must have made some kinda impression on that guy," Jack smirked.

Sam pondered that while peeling her orange. She was about to pop a slice into her mouth when she thought of something, "Sir – I mean, Jack…damn, why is that so hard to get used to? Jack, won't our swapping interfere with that. I mean if they only want you and I am you, won't they get upset or something?"

"Don't be surprised if I still call you Carter. You'll always be Carter to me. My Carter," Jack answered, totally ignoring the rest of her question. They would figure it out. They always did.


End file.
